Rico. Rico soooouave. I didn't know he had a statue too.

It's almost summer solstice and this nutter is still on about "holiday trees"? I think it's a con job. He's trying too hard with the florid prose. Guys who write like that know about paragraphs, too. You gotta like "stands athwart Magog" though. But the "legal threat" is what is referred to as a "cartooney".

i beginning to think pastor x is one of the freykis' trying to make use of a thesaurus.

Wow. Very special.

MR DARKSIDE, i challenge you to a DUEL!

Happy Pagan Moonbat Maypole Day!

I'm going to start a band called Big Nihilism.

... I'm just speechless.

Hey, wait a minute. I recognize that writing style! I know who the real culprit is here!

It's A. Birch Steen!

"woe unto him who stands athwart Magog!"? What the fuck is a Magog?

seattle98104, I don't think you will find "conspirational" in a thesaurus.

Mr Schmader/Darksider, can I join your fire-breathing socialist malcontents and the American liberal-internationalist conspiracy? How do I sign up?

Thanks, David, for making my day. Again.

I get the feeling that I wouldn't want to attend a "Meet 'n Greet" or a Potluck Supper at Pastor X's church.

....and don't even THINK about me going to a fellowship meeting there.

From Wikipedia: Gog and Magog are an ambiguous Biblical pair associated with apocalyptic prophecy, and are also mentioned in the Qur'an as Yajooj (Gog) and Majooj (Magog).

Magog is usually seen with his civil partner Gog. They're biblical fellows, usually taken to refer to "the nations in the four corners of the earth", meaning, in the eyes of a particular strain of millennialist religious kook, the worldly stuff that Jaysus is going to smite when He returns. A more reasoned summary of the meaning of "Gog and Magog" is "what the hell, I haven't a clue".

From Revelation: "And when the thousand years are expired, Satan shall be loosed out of his prison, And shall go out to deceive the nations which are in the four quarters of the earth, Gog and Magog, to gather them together to battle: the number of whom is as the sand of the sea. And they went up on the breadth of the earth, and compassed the camp of the saints about, and the beloved city: and fire came down from God out of heaven, and devoured them."

What our kooky pastor is saying is, we (the fags, liberals, and other trash) are worldly, and thus doomed. Like most of his Christianist ilk, he's not content to sit around and wait for God to do the job, even though he PROMISED, I swear, but he wants to get a head start and rain down a little fire and brimstone himself. This no doubt stems from the typically frustrated sense of powerlessness these kooks feel in the light of the glory to which they believe they are entitled.

God's opinion of this presumably unnecessary assistance in destroying the wicked is not recorded, but I would suggest that the pastor not get his hopes up too high.

The dude is right, I once stood athwart Magog in pilates. Had to keep ice on my groin for a week.

As some have gone after "Big Tobacco", so I have sought to go after "Big Nihilism".

Gold. Pure comedy gold.

This person is stark raving mad! This is the either the kind of guy who wanders around in downtown yelling at people (mostly harmless but very annoying) or the kind of guy who shows up at your office with a shotgun. I sure hope you kids at the Stranger have protection.

Did dude just hear "iniquitous" for the first time last week or something?

Magog works out at my gym now. He's actually a nice guy once you get to know him.

That's because of the frankly rather hurtful comments Gog made at the picnic last weekend about Magog's incipient paunch. They've made up, and Magog's going to the gym now, while Gog promises to be more nurturing in public situations.

obviously a fake. come on, people.

This is now WAY too funny to be genuine.

Yes, he's clearly insane. But Pagan Moonbat Maypole Day sounds like it could be a lot of fun. Perhaps we could find a day to wear our "Move to France, pussy you faggots" t-shirts and dance around the Pagan Moonbat Maypole.

ATBC = Absolutely Totally Batshit Crazy

Here's a translation into Black english. It proves that the original writer has to be white. I don't think this is a hoax either.

I had mentioned ta ya some tyme ago about da terrorism ya gots engaged upon in da name o' dis here Bloodlust ya represent an' da calamitous consequences such necromancy could gots. As I gots found out in deez past days, such doleful iniquities gots come thus ta pass. Daniel Freykis has been abused an' assaulted. I had warned ya dat should evil befall muh ma fuckin young nigga, dere would be retribution. Now let me tell ya how dis here shall be so, in da name o' The Lord. You iz uh member o' uh liberal news organization, seemingly one devoted exclusively ta da cause o' salad tosser rights an' da radical salad tosser agenda. Many o' deez leftist media sources gots become unto us as da crown o' thorns wuz unto Him; pure, ceaseless misery an' torment. It has long been muh ma fuckin EDUCATED suspicion dat dere wuz uh pattern an' perhaps uh common source ta da liberal campaign o' undermining an' destroying faith in dis here country, an' dat, wuz it allowed ta me by God ta learn o' deez Byzantine processions set under us like uh nest o' vipers, dere could be consequences baleful fo' dem then so disclosed. To wit: If da liberal groups most radical in they assualts on organized CHRISTIAN religion (ACLU, Planned Parenthood, People For da American Way (sic), Americans United fo' Seperation o' Church an' State, The Department o' Education (sic), etc.) could be proved ta be in collusion or "cahoots" or merely just sharing notes an' observations wiff each other, then dey would fall under da auspices o' da RICO statue. I be sure ya iz aware o' RICO, Mr. Schmader. It stands fo' Racketeer Influenced an' Corrupt Organizations Act, an' iz uh powerful tool federal prosecutors gots used in da past ta condemn drug cartels an' da Sicilian Mafia fo' they iniquitous transgressions against law an' fair play in our country. RICO iz powerful sheeit, an' if ya belong ta what iz defined as uh criminal conspiracy then ya yourself can be sued an' forced ta cease an' desist! We lambs o' God gots observed wiff angst an' horror as da very act o' proclaiming one'sfaith has become uh targeted offense an' uh "hate crime"; we's gots watched, numb wiff grief, as da liberals gots used unelected co-conspirators in da 9th Circuit down in San Francisco fo' they own purposes, outlawing prayer in PUBLIC schools (even during "off" hours!), outlawing da Pledge o' Allegiance, an' forcing states ta allow practicing sodomites ta become "man an' man", "woman an' woman", an', perhaps, "man an' dog" or "woman an' goat". And yet ya wonder why so much o' His wrath wuz unleashed last year? And Hurricane season begins anew, just today; I say, let His winds blow an' His rain fall! Damn ya, damn ya all! The Shock Troops o' Satan come running amok when dere iz queshun asked, an', listen! – woe unto him who stands athwart Magog! Every day, Christians iz becoming mo' an' mo' bullied, mo' an' mo' outcasts, mo' an' mo' forced ta hide in dark alleys ta pray an' duck into basements ta profess they faith. And we's gots had ENOUGH! Let da next great civil rights movement in America begin, an' let it begin wiff uh mighty trumpet blast o' indignity an' righteous fury – ya will not abuse us an' outlaw our faith any mo'! Have wisdom now, an' read: dere has been fo' some tyme attempts on muh ma fuckin part ta contact Christian lawyers who would be willing ta file class-action lawsuits in da name o' all Christians who gots felt themselves da victims o' liberal terrorism. As some gots gone afta "Big Tobacco", so I gots sought ta jet afta "Big Nihilism". Those who iz members o' deez conspirational groups, ya shall quake in yo' boots when dis here revolutuionary reading an' implication o' da law iz let loose in its full, beauteous fury. And if I can convince just one mo' donor, muh ma fuckin nigga, none other than ya an' yo' fire-breathing socialist malcontents from Seattle will be da first ta face dat which will inevitably lead ta da destruction o' da American liberal-internationalist conspiracy. For ya gots flexed yo' muscles against poor Daniel, an' dere iz records an' credit card receipts (not ta mention T-shirts) ta prove it! I recall being in Seattle nary five months ago, an' being in yo' lovely downtown area. And dere it wuz – da typical calculated liberal slap in da face o' da Christian nig an' his very own season. Right dere, in da corridors o' commerce all tinseled an' frosted an' abuzz wiff merry shoppers, stood uh grand, tall coniferous pine, an' on dis here magnificent specimen uh bit o' humanistic obscenity marked it'splace in da Temple o' Baal: "18th Annual Westlake Holiday Tree" (emphasis added). What "holiday" would dat be, sir? Channukah? Kwanzaa? Pagan Moonbat Maypole Day? This wuz uh calculated slap organized from far above deez idiots at da chamber o' commerce who hoisted such an abomination; fo' dey gots forgot He who iz da Reason fo' The Season, Jesus Christ Almighty, Praise Be His Name, Hallelujah! And ya expect us ta tolerate such atrocities lying down? Nay, sir – it will be war, most effectively, but dare page it "civil" only in da mouth o' da ironical an' da foolish! See ya in court, Mr. Darksider! I gots longed fo' dis here day, ta proclaim Him an' undo ya in da same breath! you know das right!

someone should copyright "Big Nihilism" quick. Lots of commercial potential, if you believe in that sort of thing.

George,

Not every black person speaks that way.

gizoogle.com is da shiznit, george. that ain't no jive :D

"george"

you have way too much time on your hands. why not beat that dead horse some more and when you finish, please bludgeon yourself to death and quit rehashing your boring posts.

thanks!

"george"

you hizzle way too much time on yo hands to increase tha peace. why not beat that dead horse some mizzle n when you finish, pleaze bludgeon yoself ta death n quit rehash'n yo bor'n posts.

thanks!

George doesn't use time to compose his missives; he uses a stupid website that would be a lot funnier if it was funny.

Magog? Isn't that a Welsh name? Oh no, that's Madog. Nevermind.

That email was so, conspirational. I was really conspired.

And sorry about the firebreathing, Pastor. I had Wasabi Funyons for lunch.

Post and comments ingested, all I can do now is think of all the secular things I do on a Summery Sunday in the Republic. Take softball, for example. Would Pastor X condone a Sunday softball game? Would he want to play, even? If so, requisite gametime would fall, God willing, between Morning Mass and Evening Prayer. Yet, is softball itself sufficient tarrying or merrymaking to not be allowed the Goodman within this Sunday afternoon frame? If he did indeed deign to play, what would Pastor X wear? Polypropolene tank top, I think not. Rather, pantaloons paired with austere, buckle (only)-adorned Puritan boots -- some of the hobnails, perhaps, pulled down out of the soles somewhat to serve as cleats. A blunderbuss stock turned on the lathe and otherwise hewn into a righteous bat? If the play were close at third, would the churning Earthly Messenger simply try to slide into my secular domain, or would he feel bound by the burden of His duty to fully trundle me asunder? I wonder.

FNARF, you rule.

I still can't figure how Pastor X is trying to use the word Byzantine - if that empire began with the Christianizing (Christianing? Christianopolizing?) of the Roman empire, wouldn't the current conservative administration fit the bill better than us lefties?

In short, what a kook.

You hear that, guys? I rule. RULE. Damn! I feel GOOD.

Compliment retracted!

Fuck! I don't rule. That BLOWS. Damn you Dougsf for getting my hopes up and dashing them again. I call down a plague of Freykises upon you.

I believe standing athwart Magog is actually still against the laws of several Southern states and Lewis County.

I'm just waiting for the new porn video, Standing Athwart Magog.

Oh, and I want a Pagan Moonbat Maypole for my living room! It'd make for great pole dancing - for exercise, of course, not for libidinous and nefarious purposes.