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Monday, June 5, 2006

Make the Call

Posted by on June 5 at 8:36 AM

With the president pushing the Federal Marriage Amendment—which would not only ban same-sex marriage but also domestic partner benefits—and the Senate getting ready to vote on the FMA, Americablog wants you to call your US Senators and Reps and ask them if they intend to to walk their talk on “traditional marriage.” As right-wingers in the House and Senate and the religious conservatives they represent oppose same-sex marriage because they hate sodomy, masturbation, adultery, prostitution, out-of-wedlock sex, and marriages that cannot procreate—all of which John documents—then we have a right to ask if they’re avoiding those terrible, anti-family activities themselves. John’s even written a script for you:

Hello, I’m calling to find out if the member of Congress supports traditional marriage? Can you tell me if he or she masturbates? Do you? What about sodomy, including analingus, cunnilingus and fellatio? Is the member willing to pledge that he/she has never, is not, and will never commit those acts? Has the member ever had sex before marriage? Have you? What about adultery and prostitution? Will they swear never to have been involved, and never to be involved, in either? Will the member promise never to divorce? And finally, if the member is married, do they have children, and if not, why not?

CommentsRSS icon

Brilliant.

God divided His children into seperate religions for a reason and as a country founded upon Baptist-Christian principles, we are not to question His wisdom.

It's a proven fact that misreligicunation leads to higher incidences of crime, drug use, divorce, premarital sex, pedophilia, homosexuality, and Catholicism. Every child deserves a home free of the confusion that "interfaith" (to use the PC term) marriages produce.

Contact your members of Congress and demand they pass a Constitutional ammendment prohibiting interfaith marriages. We cannot allow this sacred institution to be jeopardized by the lifestyle choices of the immoral "interfaith" community any longer.

Let us not forget the literally millions of potentially unborn Americans who are lost EVERY DAY through the sins of Menstruation and Nocturnal Emmission.

The only solution is mandatory arranged marriages at the age of eight, and mandatory copulation. The only tricky thing will be how to accomplish this without subjecting our children to sex education, which only robs them of their Christlike innocence. Perhaps someone can develop a Godly way to teach young ones of their shame?

Marriage will not be truly sacred until every last egg and every last sperm is hunted down and bought together!

If I were Bush's speech writer I surely couldn't resist including the word "seminal" in a speech on this.

Let us not forget the literally millions of potentially unborn Americans who are lost EVERY DAY through the sins of Menstruation, Mastrubation and Nocturnal Emmission.

The only solution is to sterilize every child at the age of eight. The only tricky thing will be how to accomplish this without spaying and neutering them, which only robs them of their Christlike innocence. Perhaps someone can develop a Godly way to sterilize children?

Marriage will not be truly sacred until every last egg and every last sperm is hunted down and exterminated!

Gomez! Your proposal would rob us of the ranks of God Warriors! That will allow us to be overun with the brown people and Europeans.

The United States could learn a lot from the secular nation Israel has created. Gay gentiles are free to marry in Israel. Orthodox Jews are free to be anti-gay, but they are not free to prevent gay gentiles from doing whatever they want. America should have something like that.

But Leviticus, what about Immaculate Conception?

But Leviticus, what about Immaculate Conception?

Only Catholics and other Paganists believe in the Immaculate Conception.

By my count, at least three-quarters of the neocons elected have committed adultery or divorce.

Time for shunning.

Haha, Dan, Corporal Bill has his call to Senator Crapo's office (he called him "Crapp-o") posted at Crooks and Liars.

It's a hoot. I bet he got the idea here. Great work!

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