Among the many delights in The Stranger’s brand new Queer Issue—including my favorite; God bless you, Jen Graves—is a collection of gay-specific mandated Waiting Periods, including this offering from Adrian Ryan, regarding the infamously dingy bathroom of a beloved Capitol Hill dive bar:

Crescent Tavern Toilet Perpetual Waiting Period Proposed by Senator Adrian Ryan

A bill disallowing the use of the Crescent Tavern toilet for any reason whatsoever, including but not limited to “number one” or “number two” or any combination of numbers one and two, vomiting, booty-bumps, or surreptitious blow-jobbery, with allowances for the occasional emergency use of said toilet by accredited representatives of the CDC for research and/or vaccine-development purposes and/or those outfitted in and lawfully licensed to operate a Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus (SCUBA).

This morning brought a voice mail from the Crescent’s manager/owner Joe Martine, who had a good sense of humor about the write-up:

“…the piece was meant to be funny and I actually got a laugh out of it, as did many of my customers, and I guess any publicity is good publicity. But hopefully when the bathrooms are re-done in the next couple months, you’ll write an article that lets people know that the bathrooms aren’t what you wrote about and what we just read about. I have to agree, they’re not up to par, but that is the next thing we’re going to fix. Thanks for the publicity, please look us up again when the place is done. Take care.”

Thanks, Joe! And yes, we’ll certainly check out/write up the Crescent restroom after the makeover is complete. Heck, maybe we’ll even dispatch Adrian Ryan to spend 96 hours in the glamorous new Crescent can, and report back on the world of difference. Thank you for sharing, and for being a good sport.

For all those who’d like to check out the Crescent’s legendarily scary bathroom before it’s gone for good, the Crescent is located at 1413 E. Olive Way. (Be sure to wear your karaoke pants!) Now please enjoy this photo of a gay wiener dog (is there any other kind?) wearing a cowboy hat and chaps:

(Thanks to Slog reader/photo submitter Lara7.)