Shall I Compare Thee to My Big, Fat Ass?
I just went and got my mail, and this came from some outfit called the Academy of American Poets:
Dear Dan Savage,Today it give me great pleasure to invite you to become an Associate Member of the Academy of American Poets.
As Chairman of the Academy, I very much hope you will accept.
In joining us now, you will enter into a new and exciting relationship with the best American poets of today and tomorrow. You will receive public recognition for your role in nurturing the art of poetry.
[blah blah fuckin’ blah]
Sincerely,
Eunice J. Panetta
Chariman
Uh, Eunice?
We’re not exactly nurturing poets here at The Stranger. I can safely speak for everyone at the paper when I say that we hate poetry, and we’ve done all we can to stamp out your insipid little “art form.” The Stranger has never knowingly published poetry. Give us a call when you bitches start rhyming again—maybe then we’ll think about publishing poetry. Until that day comes, you can keep your Academy, your form letters, and your special membership gift—”a copy of our latest DVD, The Poet’s View, a $20 value… that I believe you will enjoy immensely.” If you believe that, Eunice, it would give me great pleasure to invite you to become an Associate Member of my Big, Fat Ass.
Watch out Dan or I'll let the kids know you used to produce Shakespeare plays. That's some real weird crap they talk, dude.