Slog - Comments on The Flames of Passion and a Salon of Shame http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio Awhile ago a friend turned me onto the Salon of Shame, a bi-monthly series that happens at the Rendezvous. Writers are invited to bring vintage samples of shameful things they've written (material from high school/college are gems) and read them before a crowd. I don't know who else is reading, but tonight I'm going to take the plunge and recite passages from a romance novel I wrote when I was 13(ish) called The Flames of Passion. This is the story of Captain Jack, an affable fireman/poet, and Miranda, the shy temptress/animal psychic who thaws Captain Jack's heart and teaches him... Copyright 2007 Wed, 10 May 2006 13:02:36 -0800 Thu, 11 May 2006 00:26:00 -0800 http://www.movabletype.org/?v=3.34 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Comment by ciennasMommy Two things I, as your mother, feel compelled to clarify.(Before your brother does.) First, you were at least 16 when you wrote that...and, Second, ...wasn't Captain Jack actually Landscaper Jesus? Was it not a muey bueno Mexican Food dinner? Or did you do an entire series that your brother and I missed?
You know, Jesus's 'powerful alien biceps' still flex 'hotly' as he 'passionately plows the tender spring blades of dewy moist grass'...
or our lawn.
Front and back. Sometimes he...weed eats.
Come home,
Mom

]]> ciennasMommy http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156006 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156006 Wed, 10 May 2006 13:19:49 -0800 Comment by fnarf Wow, that's the hottest thing ever. They were going to eat her heaving womb? Fabulous. "Hairy curtain"? Wow. You are very brave. My teenaged shameful writings mostly include (blessedly illegible) stoner ramblings and possibly some long-since burnt poetry about boobs. And fruit. Compare and contrast, that sort of thing. I ain't readin' it out loud .

]]> fnarf http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156070 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156070 Wed, 10 May 2006 13:28:07 -0800 Comment by phenics So far Cienna, it's looking like you will be keeping your money...

]]> phenics http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156077 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156077 Wed, 10 May 2006 13:29:51 -0800 Comment by fnarf Oh, wait -- I could read from a selection of my slog posts, chosen by any of my many haters, would that count?

]]> fnarf http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156163 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156163 Wed, 10 May 2006 13:41:13 -0800 Comment by lorenzo I literally just laughed so hard that I had an asthma-like coughing fit, inspiring my co-workers to think that I am both dying and insane. God how I wish I could be there tonight....please, for your newest fans, can't you post more of the novel?

And, shit, your mom read this? Damn.....

]]> lorenzo http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156192 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156192 Wed, 10 May 2006 13:46:46 -0800 Comment by Ariel Holy hell: we've been SLOGged! The Jewelbox theater only holds 60 people, so y'all better get there *real* early if you want a seat.

(And fnarf: no, that wouldn't count. Nice try, though!)

]]> Ariel http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156208 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156208 Wed, 10 May 2006 13:49:42 -0800 Comment by Dawn I've been holding on to the "how I lost my virginity to a Born-Again Christian" story since the last Salon of Shame; this time I'm reading it!

]]> Dawn http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156240 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156240 Wed, 10 May 2006 13:54:49 -0800 Comment by Papson L. Jones I recall being 11 and writing a play, maybe it was a musical, about a family and their various triumphs and tragedies. Siblings and cousins were to play the various roles and would stage it in the my family's basement. The songs were all parodies of popular 80s songs, a la Weird Al.

In thinking about it years later, I'm glad the thing never saw the light of day. I'm also glad the family PC didn't have a printer so no hard copy could possibly exist today.

It's amazing what seems like a good idea at the time.

Best of luck with the womb thing Cienna.

]]> Papson L. Jones http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156376 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156376 Wed, 10 May 2006 14:22:16 -0800 Comment by Josh Feit When I was 12 I wrote a rock opera called: The Sloven.

When I was 32 I wrote an opera called: I, Clone.

They are both excellent.

]]> Josh Feit http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156527 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156527 Wed, 10 May 2006 14:51:55 -0800 Comment by cienna Josh, I want to hear both operas. Seriously.

Mother, you are far more embarrassing than my failed attempts at romance writing. (And I was 13, you hooker.)

*kisses*

]]> cienna http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156557 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156557 Wed, 10 May 2006 14:56:13 -0800 Comment by konstantConsumer "heaving womb"


that sounds like catholic porn!

]]> konstantConsumer http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156565 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156565 Wed, 10 May 2006 14:57:21 -0800 Comment by Ariel Yes, Josh: I'm totally recruiting you for the Salon in July.

]]> Ariel http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156672 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156672 Wed, 10 May 2006 15:21:43 -0800 Comment by schmoo Heaving womb!!! Oh man, I'm sure the genocide guy is gonna get me for saying this, but this is the best post of the week already.

]]> schmoo http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156719 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156719 Wed, 10 May 2006 15:38:41 -0800 Comment by Mark Mitchell I'm thinking about quitting my job, just so I can be at the Rendezvous to hear this.

And please don't call your mother a hooker so close to Mother's Day.

]]> Mark Mitchell http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156763 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156763 Wed, 10 May 2006 15:55:34 -0800 Comment by keshmeshi Despite the terrible writing, I love the story concept.

]]> keshmeshi http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156780 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156780 Wed, 10 May 2006 16:10:43 -0800 Comment by Paulus "Spider senses tingling..."

Josh, when are we gonna finally realize the majesty that is I, Clone?

]]> Paulus http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156783 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156783 Wed, 10 May 2006 16:11:45 -0800 Comment by kerri harrop oh, cienna madrid.

i have been enchanted by your name since first seeing it in print. my admiration has only grown with time; yours is a byline i actively seek when perusing both the stranger and slog.

you really bumped my adoration up a notch today with this line: her long hair flowing like a hairy curtain.

jesus christ.

if i were a man, i would drop to my knee and propose. if i were a lesbian, i would attempt to coerce you into a same sex union. as other readers have astutely pointed out, you've got a set of gams on you.

alas, eating at the Y has never been my bag and i am not interested in a sex change. i'll just have to continue my cienna crush in a platonic manner.

but, really. her heaving womb? good lord.

]]> kerri harrop http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156819 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156819 Wed, 10 May 2006 16:30:09 -0800 Comment by fnarf I had a heaving womb once, but then I realized I'm a man. Just gas.

]]> fnarf http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156860 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156860 Wed, 10 May 2006 16:49:27 -0800 Comment by Noink No kidding. Next time I haven't had sex since Thanksgiving I'm going to get a job at The Stranger and make half the city have a crush on me. Oh... damn. But, well done!

I and a ton of other people who won't be among the sixty that make it in would love to hear how this goes.

]]> Noink http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156893 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c156893 Wed, 10 May 2006 17:04:47 -0800 Comment by Hannah Levin Sorry Harrop (and the rest of "half of the city"), I got my marriage proposal in ages ago. Granted, I'm already betrothed to former Stranger staffer Kara Hoppe and I just moved in with my boyfriend, but Ms. Madrid could drive anyone to bisexual polygamy. Seriously though, direct praise should be given to Mr. Schmader, who plucked her resume from his avalanche of intern applications and brought her into our world.

]]> Hannah Levin http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c157253 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c157253 Wed, 10 May 2006 20:19:46 -0800 Comment by Elly Cienna-Your reading was the best of the night, no question. I was laughing so hard I was crying. Thank you so much for the theraputic belly laugh. I hope there's more where that came from.
"Tentatively humping"-bwaw!

]]> Elly http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c157612 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/05/the_flames_of_passio#c157612 Thu, 11 May 2006 00:26:00 -0800