Slog - The Stranger's Blog

Line Out

The Music Blog

« The Seattle Times Explains | O.C. Season Finale! »

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Robertson Opens Mouth, Reveals Idiocy

Posted by on May 18 at 9:17 AM

It’s been a while since we last had a good, stupid pronouncement from Pat Robertson—at least a week and a half—so thank God for the Associated Press, which reports Robertson’s most recent ass blather/slander of the Almighty.

Like all of Robertson’s best pronouncements, the new one came during a broadcast of The 700 Club, during which Robertson revealed how God told him that America’s coastline will be struck by storms—and possibly a tsunami—this year.

Robertson said the revelations about this year’s weather came to him during his annual personal prayer retreat in January. “If I heard the Lord right about 2006, the coasts of America will be lashed by storms,” Robertson said, [later adding] “There well may be something as bad as a tsunami in the Pacific Northwest.”

Never mind that predicting a serious storm season for 2006 is like predicting nightfall for the end of the day. My real concerns are these: Why is Robertson bothering God for information anyone with the ability to read could’ve learned just by picking up a newspaper? And why is God wasting time revealing the obvious to Robertson via secret communiques instead of applying Himself to stopping shit like this?


CommentsRSS icon

In another shocker, God came to me in a vision and forecast traffic backups late this afternoon on the Evergreen Point Bridge.

god told me I would have to pee after drinking beer tonight.

If I'm not mistaken, I think this might be the first Pat Robertson verbal diarrhea directed at the Pacific Northwest! He has finally found out that there are straight people having sex and not getting pregnant (me) and gay men in relationships(you) living up here in constant shame before the eyes of god! This makes me feel like the Pacific Northwest is finally coming of age!

Thank you, Ari, for your inspirational glass-half-full-ism. Also, you're right about America's Next Top Model: Danielle rules, and deserved to win.

1. He's an old man. Mostly likely the paper or the weather channel would cost him money. Talking to God is free and was street-cred with the maroons.

2. I, for one, am glad God is only giving Pat R. the weather report. I shudder to think what Pat R. would do with a burning bush, or the intimate workings of a thermonuclear device.

So, I got a grandpa who says some pretty wacky shit too. Only difference is grandpa doesn't own a tv station, much less a global broadcast network.

Bumper sticker on an old, beat-up Ford Pickup:
Yes, God is my Co-Pilot.
But we crashed into the side of a mountain and I had to eat him.

Left-overs from last year:

More pathetic and risible than Pat Robertson's hit on Hugo Chavez is the Seattle Times' hit on Pat Robertson. Robertson is even less consequential than your newspaper, with its evaporating pool of readers, yet you gave him the front page and every Thursday letter to the editor.

Problematic, too, is your belated discovery of assassination. Where was the Times when leftist Air America, having taken almost one million dollars intended for poor children, called for the killing of President Bush? (Works for me, said shock jock Randi Rhodes.)

Where were you when leftist Alec Baldwin called for the killing of Republican Congressman Henry Hyde's wife and children? Or when Democrats, the Kennedys, either ordered the assassination of an ally, Ngo Dinh Diem, or approved his killing with a wink and a nod? Or when Democrats, the Kennedys, destabilized a region (that Pat Robertson only talks about) by trying ineptly to kill Fidel Castro?

Unlike private citizen Jimmy Carter, a Democrat unilateralist cowboy who violated the Logan Act by messing in and messing up foreign policy during the 1990s, private citizen Pat Robertson is just a foolish, harmless old man. Talk is all he's got. Ignore him. Works for me.

I believe it was Slayer that said, "God Hates Us All."

I especially like that Robertson talks about the tsunami and earthquakes in the Pacific Northwest, and then goes on to say, "we've got supplies in California and supplies in Florida..." So basically, you godless Washington, God says you're fucked. Send money. I can't stop laughing at him.

Frankly, who cares? Robertson can say anything he wants and he does. I'm just not threatened by words or ideas, even from somebody I consider a wack-a-doodle...that's why they got all those flavors at the ice cream shop.

Comments Closed

In order to combat spam, we are no longer accepting comments on this post (or any post more than 45 days old).