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Thursday, May 4, 2006

Call Me…Old

Posted by on May 4 at 15:40 PM

My boyfriend just called me to share this disturbing moment that occurred in the midst of his lunchtime bartending shift:

“There’s a 22 year-old girl in here with her boyfriend. She went over the jukebox to pick out songs and was obviously happy to see Blondie as one of the selections—‘Ooh, I LOVE Blondie,’ she squealed. ‘My grandmother used to play them all the time when I was a little girl.’ “

Grandmother? While I’m glad to hear about the hip grandmas out there in the world, and I’m perfectly happy to be my age (35), it was, well, unsettling.


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Picture This: Rip Her To Shreds

It was contemplated, believe me.

One way or another/ I'm gonna rip off my Depends/ & blow off my Geritol/ & get even even even

For perspective, imagine how such a story makes Debbie Harry feel...

I was 13. New Wave was this new sexy, secret thing.
I bought my first New Wave record. It was Blondie.
I separated the album out from the rest of my record collection, and started a New Wave section.

I don't mind one shred not being in my 20's anymore. Being in your 20's is ten years of acting like a teenager but with no parents. It's kinda cool, but it's kinda pathetic.

When I was in 5th/6th grade (circa 1979-1980), I had a friend with hip parents. They had neato albums by contemporary artists like Neil Diamond (ooh!) and Blondie. We listened to Parallel Lines over and over again, especially the album version of 'Heart of Glass' because it had the word "ass" in it. A few years later, it was one of the first albums I ever bought. I still have it on vinyl.

Something similar happened to me several weeks ago. I was listening to the radio and the DJ announced now a classic from INXS. I thought to my self "how can this be a fucking classic. I am only 36 years old. What the fuck?"

My 21 year old girlfriend has a grandmother. Her grandmother probably doesn't like Blondie though.

Thankfully my girlfriend broke the 20-and-under-mother cycle. Even if it took an abortion. She's doing quite well. And I love her.

Here's something for everyone to chew on: Debbie Harry is going to be 61 years old this summer, which makes her old enough to be this girl's grandmother. So it's not like her real grandma was way older than Blondie to begin with (I'm assuming)...

i tried to turn my grandma on to debbie harry one night while we was watching hairspray ( which she throuroughly enjoyed - imagine a 70+ african american woman and the politics of hairspray - knowhaahsayin? )
ANYways...
she couldn't get the full effect of debby harry because of 1. of sonny bono, whom she did recognized from his old tv show and 2. because of divine. she still isn't convinced that divine isn't a man, but undoubtedly ' the ugliest white woman i ever seent'

My personal "I am old" line was established when one of my friends, who is an entire 2 years younger than me, didn't know what "Ma Bell" was.

Hannah, you're old.

Not really, but I'll do anything you say.

I just found out this week I'm going to become a 'Step-Grandmother' at the wise old age of 35. Granted, my husband is 13 years older than me but it still hurts.

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