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Wednesday, April 26, 2006

To the Oddness of the Day

Posted by on April 26 at 11:38 AM

Today feels strange, with the awfulness of the shooting hanging over things and these unproductively cloudy skies. I don’t want to be insensitive by posting something silly, but these two things are so weird, maybe they’re right for today somehow.

The first is a one-minute video in which the loopy Australian man often spotted making informercials with the even-loopier Kirk Cameron explains that the design of the banana is God’s explicit invitation to the human hand to hold it. He says things like, “Almighty God has made it with a non-slip surface.” It really is worth your minute.

The second item is something that came into my email inbox as a press release this morning, announcing that there is a new Sasquatch sculpture at the Seattle Museum of the Mysteries, made of ceramic and fake hair.


There are other casts of the furry guy at the museum. From the release:

The Directors are always delighted at the response the figure draws from kids and tourists and welcomes photos and don’t think the Sasquatch’s lack of clothes will be an issue as he is quite hairy and has a modest appearance. He is situated a the base of the stairs and his expression seems to convey he simply wants to fit in.

The museum is holding a naming contest. It is taking suggestions until July 2, when it will announce its choice at its picnic at Volunteer Park.

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I use the exact same argument (and hand gestures) to show how pornos prove the existence of god. Or DNA at least.

Wait--so Sasquatch is fat and bald?

You'd think with opposable thumbs, he'd be able to iron better, too. . .

Well, now I'm thoroughly convinced. A banana fits in my hand... there must be a God.

But what about the fact that I eat things like watermelons that don't easily fit in my hand? WHERE IS GOD NOW!?!?!? WHY HAVE THOU FORESAKEN ME!?!?!?

I'm sure if you pushed hard enough the watermelon would fit.

It looks like that's the Sasquatch done by Peter Munweiler for his 4Culture show some time back... I remember it had a pretty reasonable asking price.

How have i never known about this museum? It's just blocks from my crib! Now my neighborhood has a Mytery Museum to go with the Mystery Machine!

Oh, and as much as i try not to compare our work with that of the almighty lord, i think us mortals have made WAY better hand held foods than the banana. Meats on a stick come to mind. Couldn't come up with that one, God? Banana is pretty weak compared to the frozen booze pops y'all slogged about a few weeks ago. Now if those grew on trees, i'd be the first to give God two thumbs WAY up.

Sure is amazing how a fruit that has been domesticated for at least 7,000 years just happens to be optimized for human use.

How can bananas have been domesticated for 7,000 years when everybody knows the earth is only 6,000 years old?

The missing part of the clip after the end shows Kirk Cameron demonstrating his fellatio technique on it.

Damn, coffe... just.. shot... out of nose... thanks FNARF.

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