Good Afternoon Charles! I hope New York is treating you well. I hear tales of people eating while walking in the streets; hopefully your eyes have not begun bleeding of their own accord. That would be rude.

Diary of a Lady, Day 3: Thursday, April 27th (Final Installment)

5:00 pm: I returned home from a long butch day at the office, strapped on my apron and started cooking. Last night’s menu: Warm spinach salad with shitake mushrooms, sweet peppers, and sesame honey dressing and roasted
king salmon with orange-ginger salsa.

This poem was running through my head as I braised the salmon:

At fourteen I married My Lord you.

I never laughed, being bashful.
Lowering my head, I looked at the wall.
Called to, a thousand times, I never looked back.

At fifteen I stopped scowling,
I desired my dust to be mingled with yours
Forever and forever and forever.

~Li Po

True story. I love happy endings.

8:00 pm: With my evening free from social commitments, I settled into my favorite pastime: breastfeeding. I am not currently a mother (or even ovulating) but I feel it is never too early to start practicing for the Big Day. This is Sweet Baby Suzie. I enjoy cuddling with her in my chair while writing Haikus about motherhood:

Oh sweet ovaries

Keep my eggs safe till I de-
cide to trap a man

Rock a Bye Baby

Swell proof that I am not too
damaged. Suckle me!

There you have it, Charles. I am a lady, although like all of God’s children, occasionally I slip into sin and eat pizza in public. Please forgive me.