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Wednesday, March 8, 2006

Who Knew Steven Seagal Had an “Aura”?

Posted by HANNAH LEVIN on March 8 at 14:32 PM

After yesterday’s run of gloom and doom, it’s nice to see that today’s slog is full of comic relief. Although…this announcement from the Tractor Tavern could be perceived as bad news, I suppose:

“You’ve heard the rumors, and I’m here to tell you they’re all true! That’s right, action movie star, musician, holy man, 7th-dan black belt in aikido, and creator of his own energy drink, Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt, STEVEN SEAGAL will be gracing us with his aura. Tickets go on sale this Friday at 10am. Get yours early because this is THE event in Seattle you can not miss!”

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1

What the hell is he going to do? Stand there and glower?

Posted by levide | March 8, 2006 2:38 PM

2

There's been a lot of myths floating around the internet about Chuck Norris, but not much attention to a few little known facts about Steven Segal.

Facts about Steven Segal

At an 1978 all-city akido tournament in Los Angeles Segal released a puppy in to the audience and refused to compete until it was sacrificed.

Segal's blood is pure black.

Segal sleeps in a coffin lined with the hair from cut from 7 sacrificial virgins.

Segal could have easily prevented the 9/11 attacks.

Segal, like snakes, has a hemi-penis.

Posted by * | March 8, 2006 2:48 PM

3

LEVIDE Wrote:
"What the hell is he going to do? Stand there and glower?"

I actually met Seagal a number of years ago while standing next to him in an immigration line for foreigners at Narita Int'l Airport in Japan. We had a nice conversation, and he kindly offered me a lift into Tokyo, and I now regret not taking up the offer, however I was meeting friends. His Japanese language skills are quite good, and we had a few chuckles about living in Japan as non-Japanese. He seemed quite unassuming and very bright. I immediately liked the fellow.

---Jensen

Posted by J.Interceptor | March 8, 2006 2:51 PM

4

For all you non-believers:

http://www.stipkomedia.com/contentengine/gallery5/categories.php?cat_id=174

Posted by defman23 | March 8, 2006 2:57 PM

5

Why did I know even before I clicked on that link that Seagal playz the blooz?

Posted by fnarf | March 8, 2006 3:27 PM

6

"Why did I know even before I clicked on that link that Seagal playz the blooz?"

cuz you waz feelin' his aura. yeah.

Posted by defman23 | March 8, 2006 4:29 PM

7

THE event in Seattle I can not miss? Oh, I think I'll designate a special night to miss it.

Posted by lostboy | March 8, 2006 4:53 PM

8

that's not an aura, it's a stench.

Posted by bill | March 9, 2006 8:26 AM

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