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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

The Best Bathroom Graffiti

Posted by on March 14 at 15:46 PM

If Seling can throw out posts on the origin of mayonnaise and Frizzelle can regale us with Moby Dick Mad Libs, I figure it’s time I ask everyone about their most beloved bathroom graffiti sightings (present or past). I’ll start us off with this gem from the ladies’ room at the Pacific Inn:

The intial scrawl: “Jesus was a carpenter.”

And the subsequent response: “Jezebel was a whore. Long live Jezebel!”


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On the condom machine: "this gum tastes like shit".

On the condom machine: "my dad says these don't work".

i love male bathroom stuff - much more later.

At the Goodwill Urinal -

CHENEY / SATAN 2008

"My mother made me a lesbian"

"If I give her some yarn, can she make me one too?"

My recent favorite:
"your peanis is so small oh my god."

"good thing your aenus is so tight."

Another very random one from the distant past (Ernie Steele's on Broadway):

"Lisa Welch, A.K.A. Blair Warner"

What could have possibly compelled someone to write this? Had they just met someone at the bar who shared their "Facts of Life" obsession?

"Kyia bought stock in Enron."

"Kyia killed my dog."

"Kyia eats undercooked meat."

Graffiti is wrong, but irony is OK

Jack's In ABQ NM:
Here I sit cheeks a flexin' giving birth to another Texan.

Sign above urinal: Please do not throw cigarette butts in the urinal.

Scrawl underneath: It makes them soggy and hard to light.

Yes, God is my co-pilot.
But we crashed into the side of a mountain, and I had to eat him.

At the office:
"John M. was here"

"...and does his best work here."

On the air-drying machine: "Step four-wipe hands on pants".

In a theatre university building bathroom, the following loving language: "Where are the black cocks to suck and fuck?" Followed by a Shakespearean soliloquy mashed up with gangsta talk.

One really good one: I was at a Borders bookstore with my best friend. I walked in the bathroom and saw written on the wall, "Remember, Jesus fucks men. Accept Jesus' cock in your mouth."

I came back laughing about the blasphemous phrase scrawled on the wall, and he responded, "Actually, I wrote that."

Men's above the trough urinal at Deep Eddy Cabaret - Austin, TX

"The best friend you've got fits in your hand."

Above a urinal in the Weatherford Hotel/Zane Grey Ballroom in Flagstaff, AZ:

"Flush twice--Phoenix needs the water."

Toranado Men's Room in S.F.

"I Fucked Your Mother" in black sharpie

underneath in red smaller sharpie:
"Go home dad, you're drunk!"

fuckin killed me

From the WXDU radio station lone stall, silver sharpie:

He who writes upon the walls
rolls his shit in little balls

He who reads these words, to wit
is eating balls of rolled up shit

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