Have You Ever Had Any Unkind Thoughts About L. Ron Hubbard?
Fans of spicy investigative journalism and deep-dish religion exposes are ordered to check out the latest issue of Rolling Stone, which devotes 11 glorious pages to writer Janet Reitman’s fascinating plunge into the world of Scientology. (Look for the issue with the cover shot of Shaun White, the gold medal-winning snowboarder who reportedly logged some post-Torino wang time inside of Lindsay Lohan. “It was a trip,” says White to the World Entertainment News Network.)
As for Scientology: Reitman’s report is loaded with delights, from the coroner’s report which shows that Scientology founder and God L. Ron Hubbard died with the anti-anxiety drug Vistaril in his system (Scientologists believe taking aspirin is a sign of weakness and taking psych meds is tantamount to murder) to details on the special auditing sessions known as security checks. Administered every six months to all Operating Thetans (including Scientology’s scariest spokesmodel Tom Cruise), these security checks are designed to determine breaks from the religion’s “ethical code,” and involve peppering the OT in question with yes-or-no ethical queries. Specific questions cited by Reitman: “Have you ever been involved in an abortion?” “Have you ever practiced sex with animals?” Have you ever practiced sodomy?” “Have you ever slept with a member of a race of another color [sic]?” And the gold medal-winning question: “Have you ever had any unkind thoughts about L. Ron Hubbard?”
Elsewhere Reitman goes further into the daily culture of the religion than any other piece I’ve read. Underlying all the impressive info is the style of the piece. Thanks to Scientology’s reputation as the most aggressively litigious religious organization in the world, it’s safe to assume that published writings about Scientology are among the most carefully vetted writings in the U.S., with the eagle-eyed editing adding up not to any notable literary style but a dense, vaguely haunted simplicity, bouncing between elegant elisions and euphemism and certifiably concrete statements of fact.
Check it out, and don’t miss the photo on page 13. Who knew Eminem wore that much makeup? Or had such a humongous butt?
I have a family member in this "religion." They tried to convert us when we visited a few years ago, plying us with leggy Italian women and free olive oil shots, and declaring my girlfriend and me "prime age, prime property."
This family member then warned me "you don't know what you're messing with" when I jokes about the experience online.
Last month when visiting my family in Baltimore, their 13-year-old son declared to a car load of cousins that he "hate[s] gay people SO MUCH." This outburst was prompted by a turn onto that city's Gay St.
I could go on and on. These people are insane, and dangerously so.