Dear Christopher, Megan, and Charles:

In y’all’s honors, I did a quick news search for mayonnaise and crime and Belle and Sebastian and crime.

The first search yielded this: “Two women are at large in the Kenner, La., area after one slashed a Rally’s restaurant manager in February with a razor blade because her requested substitution (mayonnaise for tartar sauce on her fish sandwich) was not honored.”

The second, this, from onlineseats.com: “Cheap Belle And Sebastian Tickets… HACKER SAFE certified sites prevent over 99.9% of hacker crime!” This was one of the sites that was selling tickets to the Pillowman for seats that didn’t exist.