From a list of doggie personal ads in Harper’s.

Rex, age 11, Norwich
I like to eat grass even though I know it makes me sick! My favourite food is chocolate. I would describe myself as a dog who likes to take it easy and I am looking for someone to share a sunny afternoon or two with.

Biff, age 6, Norwich
I like to eat grass, then vomit it up. My favourite toy is a model plane. My favourite food is duck. I would describe myself as funny-looking and a comedian. I am looking for a lady dog to make laugh.

Angie, age 1, County Downe
I like to lick my owner’s face. My favourite treat is walks in the sunshine. I would describe myself as small and cuddly. I am looking for a big strong dog to take care of me.

(Strange—the ladies don’t seem to like it when I mention that I’m funny-looking and like to eat until I vomit.)