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Monday, March 6, 2006

Drop that Dildo!

Posted by on March 6 at 11:38 AM

Lawmakers in Tennesee are pushing a ban on dildos. John Spragan writes in the Nashville Scene:

Senate Bill 3794 (House Bill 3798), legislation that would make it illegal to sell, advertise, publish or exhibit to another person “any three-dimensional device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs….ā€¯ For that matter, if you offer to show someone your dildo collection—or possess a vibrator with the intent to show it to someone—you’d be violating this proposed state law. And don’t even think about wholesaling those three-dimensional sex toys.

Perhaps conservatives in Tennesee figure that if you live in that state you’re pretty much screwed already, so what the hell do you need a 3-D dildo for?

For his part, Spragan wonders what the hell Tennesee needs a legislature for:

In other Monday developments, Tennesseans died from a lack of health care, remained poorly educated and were among the most obese state populations in the nation.

In other words, screwed but good—no dildos required.

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Vibrating dildos would be four-dimensional. Saved by the technicality of time!

Finally, some good news for all the 2 dimensional sex toy vendors out there.

Watch it Longball, you'll get a papercut.


Tennessee used to be my home state (sadly) and this isn't the first time they've pushed for something stupid. Given all the problems with the state, a few years ago they decided that a law proclaiming the legality of ingesting road kill was the most important issue.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, you can legally hit a possum....and eat it.

My God, no wonder no one takes the south seriously.

Maybe there's a connection between obesity rates and the government's war on sex. With fewer options for pleasing themselves sexually, Tennesseans turn to food.

Banning dildos is the only way half those Tennessee legislators will ever have a chance at getting laid.

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