When President Bush was informed of Claude A. Allen’s string of petty crimes, one which is featured in this week’s Police Beat, he was shocked, sad, and disappointed. The Republican Party’s answer to Barack Obama, Allen was destined to rise above Justice Clarence Thomas, whose name will be forever linked with the image of pubic hair on a Coke can. None of that from immaculate Allen. Born poor to the bone, Allen made it to the top by sticking to the rules, working damn hard, fearing God, and obeying the orders of his betters (Jesse Helms,Dick Cheney, Karl Rove). The Republican Party was only moments away from finally getting a black conservative whose political position was all the way to the right (which Powell failed to do), who had a wholesome family (which Rice’s womb failed to produce), and whose name didn’t popup images of soda cans with pubic hairs on them. Then the whole world discovered that Allen habitually stole merchandise from, of all places, trashy Target. Indeed, what a disappointment. Another right brother goes down hard. But what white Republicans should get into their heads is that mental health cannot be sustained in the head of a black Republican. In the head of a white American, yes; the head of a black American, no way. Why? Because the Republican Party is no longer the business party in the traditional sense. If that were the case, if the Republican Party reverted to its initial platform, then blacks could enter its ranks without paying the price of their mental health. The substance of the black brain can subsist on the idea that business is business. What the Republican Party is about, however, is morality—not (overtly) business or even ethics (morality and ethics are two different things: the first has to with the individual, the second with society, and one could say that Republicans are about morality whereas Democrats are about ethics). My point is, black Republicans are just plain crazy, and there is no way around that.