Given that the last few weeks have already contained enough anti-Scientology links to more than likely open the lawsuit floodgates on us, I feel compelled to point out that Russell Miller’s Barefaced Messiah: The True Story of L. Ron Hubbard, an astonishingly comprehensive recounting of The Great Man’s life, is available to read on the web, free of charge, after years of legal shenanigans. Trust me, compared with all the other stuff Hubbard allegedly accomplished in his time on earth, (Torpedoing suspicious Japanese logs off the coast of Oregon! Twice! Participating in a black mass orgy intended to spawn the Anti-Christ! Smuggling his underpants through Customs!) the whole Xenu volcano thing actually comes across as pretty logical. Favorite bit: the description of the Commodore’s Messenger Organization, an army of pubescent girls, clad in gold lanyards and hot pants, empowered by Hubbard to spit in his daughter’s face when she disobeyed. (pg. 301) I’m telling you, suddenly Ernst Stavro Blofeld seems tame.