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Thursday, February 2, 2006

A modern day romance

Posted by on February 2 at 10:51 AM

Just in time for Valentine’s day, I have received an email from the only man to propose marriage to me. Last year I worked for an NGO in Antananrivo (Madagascar) for three months. Several college students I ran with regularly asked me to tutor them in English, so I started an English class. This is where I met Jeannot; he came to one of my classes, and he made me slow dance with him at my going away party. The day I left, he began emailing me his “staff information” and proposing marriage twice a week for six months:

Friday 17 june 2005 Hello MISS CIENNA! what are the news come from you? For me, I have many news to tell ,repeat or to say to you reticent to our my BEST FRIEND:I hear the youngsmans who demand your e-mail address,in your english club in the months:March- Avril- May years 2005, they are proud (or pride) persons. Your relationship to them is no problem ,but certainly, I tell and know the information’s life or the reality about them, I tell you : Be careful my best friend, they have a dangerous disease, AIDS, Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome.They are mistaken or despise me in front of you to destroy our best relationship. but don’t worry to have a relationship to me. I’m good health bodily and mentality currently. Besides, I’m not satisfied about your answer about my letter last week, I reinforce about it. YOU know my staff information; forever BACHELOR; My best wish I LOVE YOU SERIOUSLY MISS CIENNA! I PROPOSE YOU TO COME MY WIFE IF YOU AGREE ABOUT. WE ARRANGE OUR PROGRAM. Christian’s life if you agree it, because you’re good looking, intelligent, you are attracted my heart. We prepare our plan “in the best things in our life.” Finally; carrying on relationship;I wait your answer;I demand you listen WESTLIFE VOLUME TWO and CELINE D’ION VOLUME TWO;michael LEARN PAINT MY LOVE song in your cassette. Sunday: you listen GOSPEL CHORALS I kiss you! Good luck in your week-end; busy JEANNOT BACHELOR STUDENT GEOGRAPHIC ANTANANARIVO -Madagascar

I stopped responding to Jeannot’s emails after he promised “your virgin will feel good in my hand! CHRISTIAN LIFE!” I hadn’t heard from him since August, when he mentioned that instead of marriage he would accept a wire from Western Union. And now this:

Thrusday 02 february 2006 Hello! MissCIENNA;YOUR Parents:MOTHER,FATHER! Greeting,CHRISTMASDAY;NEW YEAR 2006! I visit and wish you good health,I am forever good health bodily and mentality.What are the news come from you? My news: First,I succeed in my exam ,to get LICENCE, prepare my first MASTER GEOGRAPHIC THEORICALLY;next I remember kindness indeed for MISS CIENNA because I defend or protect her in cause of many youngboys propose to steal her sexuality Our relationship take place normally, I establish diplomatic about trade of precious stones,name in french: CRISTAL ,QUARTZ ROSE, another kinds of stones precious, YOU know in the next message ,if YOU answer. WE do or make a agreement about it:quality, cost,or trade. Before OUR meeting, I demand your place money and reception stone precious MADAGASCAR towards USA .The PLAN of sale or trade stones precious will begin in the months JULY 2007. I wait YOUR answer. The AUTHOR:JEANNOT GEOGRAPHIC ST! UDENT ANTANANARIVO 101 MADAGASCAR

With less than two weeks until Valentine’s Day, I encourage everyone to grip your lover gently and say, “I’m the only one who loves you baby; everyone else has AIDS. Now let’s listen to some Celine Dion while you fetch me some cash.” Romantic, no?

CommentsRSS icon

What!?! No chocolates!! Tell the bitch to hell with him!

Lol =)

That dude loved you. But, if he cant have you, well, he'll take a few ariary to get him through the day. That's a practical dude! He will land an NGO worker sooner or later.

That mustve been some nice dancing under the stars in Antanarivo.

I might change my e-mail address at this point in the "relationship" if I were you.

Marry me and you'll never have to listen to Celine Dion again!

Are you sure this isn't actually Ali G? That whole "virgin" thing is right out of Borat's guide to the US, or whatever. Crazy.

I smell potential Hallmark cards.

I can verify the complete truth of these emails. I receive them too; Jeannot thinks I'm her father and wants my consent.

I'm totally giving it.

you could always send the grieving mother email informing him of your recent death.

that should end all communication.

Will you marry me, Cienna?

I think with a little big of effort we slogomites can make Cienna Madrid the most-proposed-to Stranger writer.

Unless she accepts me, of course. Then the rest of you can go mind your own business.


I am so awesome I misspell marriage proposals.

bleach your teeth and wash your men posing as controversial women in print were roundly dismissed at isadora duncan's table

Hold on Ben Wahbaus, are you calling me a dude? Because them's fighting words...

Picky, picky aren't we?

On another note: You have officially won the long distance stalking award. Is there anyplace more distant from Seattle than Madagascar? Guess you'd have to ask a geography student about that.

We have a winner!

According to my favorite website, The Great Circle Mapper (, the farthest airport in the world from Sea-Tac is FTU, Tolagnaro (Fort Dauphin), Madagascar -- 10,778 miles. Fort Dauphin's way at the southern tip of the island, while loverboy is in Antananarivo, in the middle, but still. Farther than Dar Es Salaam or Reunion or Perth. Damn far.

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