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Friday, January 6, 2006

What Are We For?

Posted by on January 6 at 16:18 PM

My Fellow Sloggers:

So we’re against smoking in bars, we’re against dogs in bars, we’re against people riding their bikes on sidewalks, we’re against snowmobiling, we’re against public grooming—bitch, bitch, bitch. What transgressive acts are we for, people?

I’m for strippers and straight women fucking straight men in their straight butts and smoking pot and getting shit-faced drunk and jaywalking and stealing stuff that no one really wants (see next week’s cover) and eating way too many cookies in a single sitting and porn playing in gay bars and threeways and, well, a lot of fucked up stuff.

There’s something about this medium that lends itself to griping. This annoys me, that annoys me, look at those asshats over there. Let’s not succumb entirely to the curmudgeonly impulse. Let’s not give people the impression—the false impression—that we’re a bunch of rule-obeying, puckerbutt killjoys. Let’s take a moment to praise rule breakers who break bullshit rules.

Like, say, those straight female buttfuckers out there.

“On a busy weekend we sell anywhere from three to ten harnesses/dildo combonitions to straight couples,” said Ingrid Eyen, Sex Educator at Babeland, when I called to ask how many straight couples come in to the store to buy buttfucking gear. “I think it’s fantastic and we encourage them to go forth and explore with abandon.”

I couldn’t agree more.

CommentsRSS icon

You seem to have something against Motherhood, too. ;)

Smoking dogs on bikes in bars would be cool.

I'm in favor of secular humanism. And booze. Other stuff, too, but we'll leave it at that for now.

I think strip clubs should be allowed to serve alcohol. I think it's stupid and extremely creepy for a club to only have strippers as the entertainment and have guys forced to drink expensive Cokes while staring at the strippers. I think it turns regular men into creepy voyeurs or something. I think a regular bar with strippers included as entertainment is a lot more dignified. It's an adult club, right?

God, this post was SO NECESSARY! Thank you Dan! I love to love the Stranger and I hated being irritated with some of the more "do as I say" posts of the last week or so.

And strip clubs should absolutely serve alcohol.

why does everybody have to be for or against something? what if i just don't give a flying fuck? what if i do not use correct capitolization but correct punctuation? what if all i am for is apathy? it's great that we can still (for the time being) have porn on public access, straight butt-fuckers and all the civility laws that constitute a mark sidran wet dream... but when is enough, enough? i for one think we should all just be for whatever the hell it is we are for and not force feed it to everyone else.

thanks for the cake

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