My Fellow Sloggers:

So we’re against smoking in bars, we’re against dogs in bars, we’re against people riding their bikes on sidewalks, we’re against snowmobiling, we’re against public grooming—bitch, bitch, bitch. What transgressive acts are we for, people?

I’m for strippers and straight women fucking straight men in their straight butts and smoking pot and getting shit-faced drunk and jaywalking and stealing stuff that no one really wants (see next week’s cover) and eating way too many cookies in a single sitting and porn playing in gay bars and threeways and, well, a lot of fucked up stuff.

There’s something about this medium that lends itself to griping. This annoys me, that annoys me, look at those asshats over there. Let’s not succumb entirely to the curmudgeonly impulse. Let’s not give people the impression—the false impression—that we’re a bunch of rule-obeying, puckerbutt killjoys. Let’s take a moment to praise rule breakers who break bullshit rules.

Like, say, those straight female buttfuckers out there.

“On a busy weekend we sell anywhere from three to ten harnesses/dildo combonitions to straight couples,” said Ingrid Eyen, Sex Educator at Babeland, when I called to ask how many straight couples come in to the store to buy buttfucking gear. “I think it’s fantastic and we encourage them to go forth and explore with abandon.”

I couldn’t agree more.