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Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Unrelated Items

Posted by on January 31 at 15:29 PM

These items aren’t related in any way, and I’m not sure they’re the least bit important—I mean, if I wanted to write up something important I might Slog about the fact that Samuel Alito is going to be sitting on the Supreme Court for, gee, the next forty years. Or, as I like to think of it, until I’m 73 years-old.

And I suppose I could try to make George W. Bush’s impending State of the Union speech bearable by inventing or swiping a SOTU drinking game. (Every time the Republicans all jump to their feet to applaud their Dear Leader, take a drink! Every time Bush puts the em-PHA-sis on the wrong syl-LAH-ble, take a drink! Every time you remember that this fucktard is going to be your president for three more fucking years, hit yourself in the face with a brick!”) But I’m not up to it. I’m feeling down—succumbing, I think, to a bad case of S.A.D., a case compounded by political news that just keeps getting worse. (Hey, didja hear? Alberto Gonzeles, our torture-lovin’ Attorney General, perjured himself before Congress! Gee, remember when perjury about blowjobs could get a guy impeached?)

But fiddle-dee-fucking-dee, let’s think about the collapse of our democracy tomorrow. Right now let’s pause and ask Scott C. Liao, a resident of Mill Creek, Washington, to stand. Scott was named to the Dean’s List for the fall 2005 semester at Alfred University in upstate New York. I just got a press release from Alfred’s Office of Communications about young Scott’s singular achievement—”students must maintain at least a 3.3 grade point average to qualify for the Dean’s List”—and so I wanted to point Scott out. He’s sitting up there in the balcony right next to Laura Bush.

Also, apropos of nothing, a flyer for a new dance night at Re-bar has the best DJ name I’ve heard since DJ Fucking In The Streets blew into town: DJ Ate My Baby. I haven’t heard DJ Ate My Baby do his baby-eating thing, but with a name like that he’s got to be good. DJ Ate My Baby—along with DJ Jack—will be performing at Re-bar on Thursday, Feb. 9. $3. If I survive the many, many blows to the head I will be administering to myself during Bush’s SOTU speech tonight, I will swing down to Re-bar on Feb. 9th.

CommentsRSS icon

Try not to think about the time you told everybody to vote for him over McCain in the 2000 primary.


Yikes, did you really?

wow Dan! you've accomplished so much in 33 short years!

Yes, I did tell people to vote for Bush—because, as I wrote, Bush couldn't beat Gore. And Bush didn't beat Gore. Gore got more in the popular vote, and he won Florida too.

I wuz right but we wuz robbed.

Wow. I'm older than you! (I'm 34). That's just bizarre, and tweaks the rest of my night.

I moved here in '93 and I believe you had your column in The Stranger. A person I knew then said she Loved your column. I assumed you were older; maybe because you had a column. How naive.

Ok. Now on to my new reality.

Also, I told people to vote for Bush in the PRIMARY, not the general.

Just saying.

And it is remarkable how youthful I am—for an established columnist and everything.

Thanks for the name drop. Hope to see you there.

P.S. - we couldn't get street beat to commit to the discoteque so you will have to make due with Fankick.


Dude, you are not 33 years old. You're just not. Don't even play.

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