These items aren’t related in any way, and I’m not sure they’re the least bit important—I mean, if I wanted to write up something important I might Slog about the fact that Samuel Alito is going to be sitting on the Supreme Court for, gee, the next forty years. Or, as I like to think of it, until I’m 73 years-old.

And I suppose I could try to make George W. Bush’s impending State of the Union speech bearable by inventing or swiping a SOTU drinking game. (Every time the Republicans all jump to their feet to applaud their Dear Leader, take a drink! Every time Bush puts the em-PHA-sis on the wrong syl-LAH-ble, take a drink! Every time you remember that this fucktard is going to be your president for three more fucking years, hit yourself in the face with a brick!â€�) But I’m not up to it. I’m feeling down—succumbing, I think, to a bad case of S.A.D., a case compounded by political news that just keeps getting worse. (Hey, didja hear? Alberto Gonzeles, our torture-lovin’ Attorney General, perjured himself before Congress! Gee, remember when perjury about blowjobs could get a guy impeached?)

But fiddle-dee-fucking-dee, let’s think about the collapse of our democracy tomorrow. Right now let’s pause and ask Scott C. Liao, a resident of Mill Creek, Washington, to stand. Scott was named to the Dean’s List for the fall 2005 semester at Alfred University in upstate New York. I just got a press release from Alfred’s Office of Communications about young Scott’s singular achievement—”students must maintain at least a 3.3 grade point average to qualify for the Dean’s Listâ€�—and so I wanted to point Scott out. He’s sitting up there in the balcony right next to Laura Bush.

Also, apropos of nothing, a flyer for a new dance night at Re-bar has the best DJ name I’ve heard since DJ Fucking In The Streets blew into town: DJ Ate My Baby. I haven’t heard DJ Ate My Baby do his baby-eating thing, but with a name like that he’s got to be good. DJ Ate My Baby—along with DJ Jack—will be performing at Re-bar on Thursday, Feb. 9. $3. If I survive the many, many blows to the head I will be administering to myself during Bush’s SOTU speech tonight, I will swing down to Re-bar on Feb. 9th.