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Monday, January 30, 2006

Trailer Trash

Posted by on January 30 at 11:06 AM

I’ve got a beef.

Consider, if you will, the trailer for Annapolis. (Believe me, I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t for a good reason.) Take a few moments afterwards to reflect, and/or towel off.

Ok, you remember all the shots of the fighter planes flying about all higgedly piggedly? Tyrese yelling dramatically for a medic? The money shot of the battleship blowing up? Here’s the thing: none of these are actually in the movie. My legal knowledge is limited to repeated viewing of From The Hip, but doesn’t this violate some sort of Truth in Advertising law?

In better news, behold the downright shivery teaser for the astonishingly-might-not-suck remake of The Omen. (Mia Farrow as the demonic nanny? Right on!)

Oh, and the greatest trailer ever? Yep, it’s still Cliffhanger.

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What I want to know is, since when did they start showing ads for KY Warming Jelly before a film? I saw one of those last night at the 7:50 screening of Match Point which, oddly enough contains a scene of Jonathan Rhys-Meyers pouring baby oil on Scarlett Johansson's shoulders. Of course, that scene made me wonder why it took Woody Allen thirty years to figure out how to do a hot sex scene?

He figured out how to do a hot sex scene? When was that?

I think it's because that's approximately how long it took for Scarlett to become extremely hot and sexy. I could film Scarlett with my camera phone alphabetizing her CD collection in her bra, and I would have officially learned how to do a hot sex scene.

it's sort of hot, but it's also by-the-numbers hot. first there's the ripping the shirt open, then there's the baby oil, then there's the bondage. all woody allen had to do was read a trashy romance novel. and, yeah, cast scarlett johansson. (jonathan rhys-meyers isn't bad either.)

Still by-the-numbers hot is a huge leap for Allen, erotically speaking. Was all this locked up in his imagination for last 70 years or did it just occur to him? Kind of sad, either way.

Oh my god! I LOVE "From the Hip"!

The trailer for Annapolis looks every bit as homoerotic at Top Gun, but 10 times more stupid (false advertising or not). I'll be renting that one soon after its two week run in theaters. ;-)

I was amazed how good the trailer for Cliffhanger was, because the actual movie was incredibly lame, despite a decent ensemble cast. The trailer was far better than the movie (which, sadly, is true about a lot of movies).

I've noticed the false advertising for a while now. Previews frequently contain scenes that were filmed, but were ultimately left out of the final product.

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