Stupor Bowl XL
I have been quoted here as saying, “I can get behind a winner.” To clarify: There are many, many winners I cannot at all get behind, and even my propensity toward fair-weather sportsfanness is limited. I like spectator sports because and only because of my association of the spectating with snacks. I watched basketball with my dad for years, never registering a thing but deeply enjoying the popcorn; likewise, I read and ate peanuts at Mariners games. I missed Sunday’s game, but I saw the terrifyingly enthused Seagulls fans on the 11 o’clock local news. They were distorted and drunken (the latter I’m generally for, but I prefer it unaccompanied by the former). The newscaster said of the stadium, “This must be what ancient Rome was like” (hmmm). Paul Allen, now our philosopher king, said something along the lines of “The fans have been incredible. It’s such a moving experience… such warmth,” upon which the newscaster commented, “Have you ever heard such eloquence?” Jesus FUCKING Christónot to mention now this man (who wants to go into space! Hello, people!) will literally (okay, only nearly literally) OWN this town (“Allentown”óbarf) as every mouth-breathing sports fan (sorry, Brad) wants to hand him even more of whatever he likes on an even shinier silver platter.
One of the ‘Gulls, though, cutely said post-game, “WE’RE GOING BOWLING!”
Please pass the popcorn.