My Smobriety, Day Six: Easy Like Sunday Morning
Smobriety Charticle SixWeight: 174 pounds
Pulse: 60 beats per minute
Song Stuck In Head: “Easy Like Sunday Morning,” Lionel Richie
Medication Note: Stopped taking one Wellbutrin pill a day;
dosage back down to one pill a day, 150 mg, in an effort to wean off.Risk of Smoking Resumption: Periwinkle Blue (low risk of smoking resumption)
Symptoms: Lionel Richie songs stuck in head, some minor lack of concentration, especially regarding work, frequent urination, time still passing very slowly.
Last night, in a desperate attempt to inject some drama into this smoking cessation thing, I went to a party that should’ve been a squirming nest of heavy smokers. The party turned out to be a dud; the house was quiet and dark. Instead, I went to a bar that was rumored to be protesting the smoking ban. More lies! There was not an ashtray in sight; not even the requisite wall of wobbly, grousing smokers barring the doorway.
Remarkably, around the time that I was ignoring the man with the Russian accent who wanted to know where the hospital was, (nice try, Boris, but ol’ Paul Bobby’s been burned by that Commie “Where you medicine, Americanski?” scam one too many times) I realized that I was trying to make myself want a cigarette.
Here’s the thing: quitting has been easy. I can’t believe I’ve been afraid of this for so long…honestly, if I’d known, I would’ve quit years ago. All that buildup and concern, the 10 years of worrying, combined with my Catholic sense that anything worth having will involve years of suffering and pain, has kept me chained to this addiction for so long. I understand that this is only day six, and the three-week-mark is the second real test, but I honestly figured that by now I’d be Leonardo Di Caprio in The Basketball Diaries, drooling on myself, locked in a bedroom and sobbing “Just one more hit, man! I just need one more hit!” But, really, it’s been less of an annoyance than your average bad cold. Go figure.
I always thought the biggest risk would be after you're done quitting. Right now you're totally deliberate about quitting--slogging about it, thinking about it, probably talking about it with people. But eventually there comes a day when that show is over and you're just a boring old non-smoker. For me, that's when I think I'd be most susceptible to a little voice suggesting one more for old times' sake. No one will know, doesn't mean you're a smoker again, etc. I think you should swear an oath to post on the slog if you ever, ever have a cigarette again. Like, if it's twenty years from now and you're living in Thailand and you have a cigarette, you have to post it on the slog. Then you'll never feel like we're not watching you.
Anyway, congratulations on making the first hurdle.