Smobriety Charticle Four

Weight: 173 pounds

Pulse Rate: 80 beats per minute

Song Stuck In Head: “Theme From Shaft,” Isaac Hayes

Horniness Increase Since Yesterday: 74.86%

Increase in Confidence of Wellbutrin’s Potency on Author’s Part: 100%

Smoking Resumption Risk: Minty Green
(Mid-to-high; today is Author’s first day back at work at the retail job he has held for the last six of his twelve smoking years…this is where the ‘habit’ concerns start to kick in.)

Symptoms: Pointless sweating, lack of concentration, a newfound inability to read Newsweek because of the length of the articles and difficulty understanding the intellectual content therein, night sweats, one screaming nightmare, lower back pain, interest in celebrity lifestyle seems to be focusing directly on Sienna Miller’s struggle to accept Jude Law’s infidelities.

Ooooohhhh-ho-ho-ho. Man, oh, man. Whoever you are, stop reading this right now and go out and get yourself some Wellbutrin. Whooooooo! Seriously. It’s some good motherfuckin’ shit. F’real. That is all.