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Monday, January 9, 2006

My Smobriety, Day Two: Big Tobacco Owns Big Dictionary

Posted by on January 9 at 11:55 AM

Smobriety Charticle Two

Weight: 175 pounds*

Pulse Rate: 61 beats per minute

Current Mood, as Identified by U.S. President: Martin Van Buren

Song Stuck In Head: “My Girl,” The Temptations

Symptoms: Tremendous lack of concentration, night sweats (possibly caused by Sean Nelson’s terrifying Wellbutrin story posted on the SLOG yesterday,) increased interest in glossy magazines about celebrities, major physical craving for a cigarette, some shaking, slight cough, and also a tremendous lack of concentration.

* No, I did not lose five pounds between yesterday and today. Yesterday’s readings were taken from my doctor’s appointment on Tuesday the third. So I’ve lost five pounds from Tuesday to today, which makes sense since I was incredibly nervous about quitting.
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The first day’s worth of recriminations, resolutions, and slow-motion montages are after the jump.

All told, the first twenty-four hours weren't nearly as bad as I thought they would be; there was only one pang that hit at about six p.m.yesterday. It was a fairly major one, with dizziness and dry mouth and the taste of smoke crawling up my throat and this all-in-my-head slow-motion montage of me smoking, set to "Open Arms” by Journey, which kind of proves that smoking is evil. I just sat very still and thought to myself that it's the addiction passing through, which workedit helps to identify these things, at least for me. I still have thoughts about cigarettespretty much all day--but they're not cravings, they're the habit part, which is relatively easy.
Most of my plan for the habit is to make a sort of mental drumline, when I'm in a situation with a lot of smoke, that goes "I'm a non-smoker, I'm a non-smoker, I'm a non-smoker” until I don't have to do it anymore. Which is also kind of relief, since it would override my usual mental drumline, which generally goes "You stupid motherfucker oh you stupid motherfucker do you remember the time you asked Joleen Kenney out in the fourth grade and she laughed at you, you stupid motherfucker?” So, you know, it's like vacation for me.
But this whole non-smoker thing brings up something semantic that metaphorically chaps my metaphorical ass: why is it that non-smokers have the negative in their name? People who don't drink are "teetotalers,” or "straight edge,” or are "sober.” Before the ban, you would walk into a restaurant and the hostess (a smile on her face, but not in her eyes, but I digress) would ask, "Smoking or non?,” and that doesn't seem right, either. People don't refer to themselves as non-rapists or non-anti-Semites, they're just normal fucking people. Usually the socially inappropriate act gets the negative plugged into it. You've never had a cigarette in your life? You're a "non-smoker.” That doesn't seem right. But then, I'm on medication. I'll shut up now.


CommentsRSS icon

How do you pick which president to go with your mood? Eeeny-meeny-miney-mo?

Any "unusual ejaculations"?

Willpower, Paul! You can do it!

This reads as if you're handling the cravings well so far. Keep it up. These first few days are the worst part.

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