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Tuesday, January 3, 2006

Eminem Shoves A Gerbil In His Ass

Posted by on January 3 at 16:04 PM

Among the holiday gift bait foisted on shoppers this season was Curtain Call, the allegedly career-closing “greatest hits” collection by Eminem.

Among the “new song!” bait included on Curtain Call is “Fack,” a song that’s earned tons of scorn in the blogosphere, most notably on Pitchfork’s list of the 15 Worst Releases of 2005.

I love Eminem, take him seriously, respect his art, etc etc etc. But “Fack” sucks shit, taking Em’s ever-increasing taste for lame poo-poo/pee-pee goofiness to a most idiotic dead-end.

However, even the worst Eminem song involves something worth writing about, and in the case of “Fack,” it’s the gerbil Em repeatedly raps about shoving through a tube into his anus:

Now see that gerbil/ Grab that tube/ Shove it up my butt/ Let that little rascal nibble on my asshole/ Oh yeah right there, right there/ Uhhh I’m cumming/ Oh yeah/ Fack I just came again/ Ok pull it out now/ Oh fuck yeah/ Wait he’s not out/ He’s still crawling around up there/ Oh fack I think it’s stuck/ Oh but it feels so fucking good

With Eminem having already done his part to normalize brutal wife-murder and forced intergenerational incest, it’s nice that he didn’t shy away from one of the last frontiers of sexual shock. And to deliver the final word on his bogus status as a role model, he ends the track with this do-as-I-say refrain for America’s youth:

Shove a gerbil in your ass through a tube/ Shove a gerbil in your ass through a tube/ Shove a gerbil in your ass through a tube

RIP, Eminem. You avoided sucking for a long, long time…

CommentsRSS icon

maybe it was the painkillers.

I just wanted to let you know that I read this yesterday, but it's been blowing my mind so hard that I had to come back again first thing this morning to read it again. Thank you, David Schmader, for your always spot-on indictments of everything worth indicting.

Ugh. Everyone has cause to suffer. 'Cept maybe the gerbil.


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