Eminem Shoves A Gerbil In His Ass
Among the holiday gift bait foisted on shoppers this season was Curtain Call, the allegedly career-closing “greatest hits” collection by Eminem.
Among the “new song!” bait included on Curtain Call is “Fack,” a song that’s earned tons of scorn in the blogosphere, most notably on Pitchfork’s list of the 15 Worst Releases of 2005.
I love Eminem, take him seriously, respect his art, etc etc etc. But “Fack” sucks shit, taking Em’s ever-increasing taste for lame poo-poo/pee-pee goofiness to a most idiotic dead-end.
However, even the worst Eminem song involves something worth writing about, and in the case of “Fack,” it’s the gerbil Em repeatedly raps about shoving through a tube into his anus:
Now see that gerbil/ Grab that tube/ Shove it up my butt/ Let that little rascal nibble on my asshole/ Oh yeah right there, right there/ Uhhh I’m cumming/ Oh yeah/ Fack I just came again/ Ok pull it out now/ Oh fuck yeah/ Wait he’s not out/ He’s still crawling around up there/ Oh fack I think it’s stuck/ Oh but it feels so fucking good
With Eminem having already done his part to normalize brutal wife-murder and forced intergenerational incest, it’s nice that he didn’t shy away from one of the last frontiers of sexual shock. And to deliver the final word on his bogus status as a role model, he ends the track with this do-as-I-say refrain for America’s youth:
Shove a gerbil in your ass through a tube/ Shove a gerbil in your ass through a tube/ Shove a gerbil in your ass through a tube
RIP, Eminem. You avoided sucking for a long, long time…