The subject line of this post is meant to replicate the mythic clanging noise that punctuates each and every scene on each and every strain of Law & Order, from Law & Order: Original Recipe (forever the best, thanks to S. Epatha and Jerry Orbach, RIP) to Law & Order: Erotic Asphyxiation Unit, starring Jayne Mansfield’s daughter and Christopher Meloni, who famously displays his actual butthole in season three of HBO’s homoerotic prison series Oz.
But today I’m concerned with my least favorite flavor of L&O: Law & Order: Criminal Intent, an okay show rendered unwatchable by the horrifically mannered acting of Vincent D’Onofrio, who should be ashamed of what he’s done.
However, this week’s Criminal Intent might be the rare episode worth watching, thanks to the “special guest appearance” by Elizabeth Berkeley. According to Tivo.com, Ms. Berkeley (who once starred in a movie I worship) plays a mysterious woman accused of blackmailing men with phony paternity suits—and I can’t wait to see it. Rumor has it that Berkeley’s spent her post-Showgirls years learning to do everything she so clearly couldn’t in that film, and she gave a perfectly lovely performance in 2002’s Roger Dodger. But how will she fare with L&O’s merciless dialogue-in-closeup? We shall see…
Law & Order: Elizabeth Berkeley Edition airs this Sunday at 9pm, on NBC.