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Thursday, January 26, 2006

Amazing New Product!

Posted by on January 26 at 9:12 AM

I somehow wound up on some database as a “lifestyle columnist,” and consequently get a lot of crap in the mail—mostly press releases announcing new products that no one really needs. Sometimes, though, I get useful stuff like bottles of sake and cases—literally cases—of beer. (Session, a new beer that is being marketed to skateboarders and snowboarders and the people who play them in front of video games, was a big hit with my boyfriend—send more!)

Anyway, this morning I got a press release trumpeting a new product—something called the “Transtrap.ā€¯ I immediately thought it was a product for transsexuals. Perhaps something that helps the male-to-female trannie strap down his dick, or a female-to-male strap on a dick.

The transtrap has nothing to do with trannies, as it turns out. Of all the useless new products foisted on our consumption-driven culture every year, the transtrap has to be the most useless one I’ve ever heard about. It’s a “personal transit strap for subways, trains, and buses.” You’re supposed to carry it with you on the subway, and if all of the hand-straps are already being gripped by other commuters, you whip your own personal transstrap—trans for transportation—out of your purse and, voila, you’re not standing there strapless. Order now!

The Transtrap’s marketing campaign is fear-based, of course. Even if there are straps available on your subway, train, or bus, you’re encouraged to your Transtrap it so you don’t have to touch straps that other people have touched and contaminated with God-alone-knows what.

CommentsRSS icon

Dan - your entry made me smile. Thanks. The product is decidedly strange but many people really like it.

Can I get on that list for the free beer? ..Stan

True story: I was on the subway in NYC two years ago and someone had wiped a thick chunk of FECES on the strap that I grabbed. The subway was jam packed and I was standing around with a stranger's shit all over my fingers and jeans. I would use the transtrap in a heartbeat.

And transtrap totally sounds like code for "wang concealer".

i thought it was a trans trap. . . i could use it to capture one of my very own. . .

True story (not Frey true, true-true). I was on a bus one afternoon and watched as a guy ripped his arm out of the socket when the bus came to a sudden stop and he lost his footing. His hand got caught in the strap and remained there as the rest of his body hurdled towards the floor. POP!

Somehow, I'm thinking I won't be buying a Transtrap after seeing that...

P.S. Should I have said, "I'm not Freying you" or maybe, "really, no Frey." Who says Santorum gets all the fun?

oh my god that's totally gross. that seems impossible. I'd like to die now please.

i might use it if i lived in a real city with a subway... but for a different reason. the metal bars are often cold. i know, i know, i could just wear gloves.

I can't stand the straps. Give me something stable to hang onto.

Your pictures are great.

It looks like you really had a nice time.

Your pictures are great.

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