Not Dan—Bill, my brother. He’s not just obsessed with baseball, as it turns out. My brother—and occasional Stranger SLOG and print contributor—sent me this email about the mighty, mighty Seattle Seahawks.

OK, Sloggers and readers, time to wake up and smell the testosterone. My brother’s recent post mocking the success of the NFC-leading Seattle Seahawks has inspired me to send a few words into the conversation.

I mean, if you don’t like football, you agree by default with George Will, who wrote “Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings.” Football features many other glorious aspects of American life: crappy beer, encased meat, sexual objectification (of hyper-masculine players as well as the cheerleaders, some of whom get into delicious brouhahas), sublimated homoeroticism (players pat each other on the ass after a great play, one old saw goes, only because facemasks prevent kissing), jingoistic patriotism, scandals about interracial sex on television, and grandstanding self-glorification.

But the main reason for the NFL’s hold on the American population is one that I’d expect the vice-positive Stranger staff and audience to love: gambling. Las Vegas bookmakers set the odds weekly, and are uncannily accurate. Tens of millions of people illegally place wagers with their local legitimate businessmen, or are in friendly office pools, and their interest in the sport is primarily financial. Although you can never wholly discount booze, sex, and violence.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get my picks in … more to come as the season moves towards the playoffs. Especially if the Seahawks and my Chicago Bears both continue to win—-I might have to make a roadtrip to Qwest Field for the NFC Championship game come January.

Gee, I don’t know why I felt obligated to be straight growing up. Billy is straight enough for the both of us.

Thanks for sharing, bro.