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Friday, December 30, 2005

John Longenbaugh Sighting of the Day

Posted by on December 30 at 16:49 PM

First off, hello to our regular readers at Seattle Weekly. Be sure to stock up on paperclips and notebooks while you can—oh, and keep taking your meds. Then dash off an e-mail to John Longenbaugh, letting him know that he made SLOG again.

I was at SCCC’s gym. I had just finished playing racquetball with Eli Sanders—despite the fact that I am considerably older, gayer, asthmatic, and recently broke a toe on my left foot, I beat Eli three straight games—when John Longenbaugh walked up. We briefly made eye contact, then John looked away.

Now, when Frizzelle spotted John recently, John posted a comment on the SLOG in which he claimed that he didn’t know what Frizzelle looked like. This is odd, considering that these men of letters were introduced when they both worked for the Weekly (Frizzelle was a staffer at the time, John a freelancer), and they currently live in the same building on Broadway. According to John, if he had recognized Frizzelle, he certainly would have said hello. Well, I know that John recognizes me because he said so in his comment on SLOG:

I DO recognize Dan. I saw him on Oprah.

But John didn’t say hello to me. For the record: I’ve never been on Oprah. I’ve been on HBO (Bill Maher), CNN a few times (Anderson Cooper, Paula Zahn), MSNBC bunches (always on Scarborough), ABC (20/20), C-SPAN (book stuff), and more shows on VH1 than I care to admit to. But never, ever Oprah. I’m not sure why John would say that. But it’s not like John would need to see me on TV to know who I am. John interviewed me once for a piece in the Weekly, and we used to nod to each other when we passed on the street. But not today. John looked away—and, in all honesty, so did I. John and I are, I think, equally awkward around each other. He unnerves me, I unnerve him. So I’m content to look away and leave John at peace.

But I did call out to him, after he strolled away, that I was never on Oprah. I wanted to correct the record because it’s a big deal for a writer to be on Oprah, and I don’t want people to think I run around claiming to have been on Oprah when I haven’t. Just coming clean.

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Oh my God. Dan, I thought that MIGHT have been you. But you're looking so sporty these days. You were the guy wearing the sports jersey, right? I never would have thought you were the sort of guy who'd go out and play Basketball, but it just shows how little I know about my fellow writers.

I didn't know you weren't on Oprah. I guess whoever told me that was trying to say that you were some sort of gay pop star Icon, but clearly they had malicious intent.

Anyhow, I hope your game went great. I made my way to the weight room where I did my regular routine.

I hope you and all of the staff of the Stranger have a GREAT New Years. Keep up the good work!



PS: did you dye your hair? Sort of a tawny brown color? Because it looks good.

PS: sorry I didn't see Chris. Why don't the pair of you drop by sometime this coming week for coffee and biscotti? I'm down on the second floor.

Dye my hair? Why, no. I've got a little gray, but not nearly enough—my boyfriend loves a guy with a full head of gray hair, and he's anxious for me to go gray. Many of the men in my family go gray prematurely, but my hair is graying too slowly for his tastes, and I wish it would turn more quickly.

You looked sporty, too, John.

John, are you admitting to lying? You wrote that you saw me on Oprah—"I DO recognize Dan. I saw him on Oprah."—not that someone else told you that they saw me on Oprah. I'm shocked, John.

Gosh, who was it that I did see on Oprah? I don't ever watch TV at home, and so only see Oprah when I'm someplace like an airport lounge. So it must have been some other good-looking gay guy promoting a book or a newspaper column or somesuch.

Well, I apologize for the confusion. I'm puzzled that it's causing you grief though. As you've said, it's quite a big deal for a writer to get on Oprah, and I'm sure it's only a matter of time for you.

Coffee and biscotti await whenever you'd like to come over.

Have a great 2006!

There had better be photographic evidence of this cofffee and biscotti confab, damn it!

Postscript 1.6.06:

Well, I've been at home all week, sick with the flu, so you think I'd have heard Dan or Chris if they dropped by for coffee and biscotti. But they haven't.

They've got busy schedules. I know that. But after all of this interest in me for a couple of weeks, I was sort of hoping for some follow-through.

Anyhow, in the spirit of sincere friendship, I would now like to extend my offer of hospitality to any Stranger employee who would like to drop by for coffee and biscotti during the month of January.

I'm not quite sure what we'd talk about, but I'm sure we can think of something.

I'm generally back home from work around 3 or so, and will be receiving visitors till about 6. It'd be best if you call first (Dan and Tim probably have my number), but if you'd like to drop by, I'll do the best I can to accomodate you.

Just ask Dan or Chris for directions to my apartment. It's an easy and pleasant walk from the offices of the Stranger, crossing our beautifully renovated Cal Anderson Park.

Peace in '06,


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