The announcement came over the Stranger office intercom, in the soothing screech of receptionist Mike Nipper:

“Attention! Anyone who wants to hear Vladimir the Polar Bear sing a song about the mayor, report to the conference room immediately!”

Who’s Vladimir the Polar Bear? Fuck if I know, but I was willing to find out—a sentiment shared by a good two dozen of my colleagues, who crowded into the conference room to stare at the giant polar bear holding an accordian sitting in the corner.

Before singing, Vladimir told the tale of how she came to be here today. After years of blending into human society via her full-body human suit, Vladimir decided she could hide her true self no more, threw away her human suit, and bought an accordian.

To hear Vladimir’s aforementioned song about the mayor, go here.