Britain’s Literary Review does this contest every year for the worst sex writing in literary fiction. The Guardian’s story about the writing in the running this year is here, and all of this year’s excerpts in question are here.

Here’s Updike on a character’s vagina: It “did not feel like Phyllis’s. Smoother, somehow simpler, its wetness less thick, less of a sauce, more of a glaze.”

I’ll be in the bathroom vomiting.