And the hits keep comin’: This morning, hot new Hurricane Wilma grew into the most intense Atlantic storm in recorded history, described by the Associated Press as “a Category 5 monster packing 175 mph wind that forecasters warned was ‘extremely dangerous.’”

At present, Wilma’s wailing around the Cayman Islands and parts of Cuba, and is expected to pose a “significant threat” to Florida by the weekend.

Read the full report here and prepare to hear about nothing else for days.

Now that global warming has decided it’s time to kick humanity’s ass, let me take this opportunity to apologize for the cumulative hours I spent as an adolescent, blasting out new-wave hairdos with a can of ozone-depleting Aqua Net. It wasn’t worth it.