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Wednesday, October 26, 2005

God Doesn’t Love the White Sox

Posted by on October 26 at 9:32 AM

From my brother Bill Savage, English prof and baseball scholar, on last night’s White Sox victory over the Houston Astros:

In my attempt to figure out the appropriate way to interpret the White Sox dominance over Houston, I turn for guidance to America’s fundamentalist preachers. Just as Hurricane Katrina was God’s wrath—over something—so too must this unnatural disaster-in-the-making be God expressing something. The possibilities: God hates Cubs fans—but, no, God expresses that annually by having the Cubs either suck totally, or be just good enough to get our hopes up and then suck.

God loves White Sox fans? No, look at their trailer parks, their mullets, their assaults on innocent coaches, umpires, and visiting players’ wives—God does not love White Sox fans.

But I think I have the answer: God hates Texas. This has deep baseball roots: when owner of the Texas Rangers, George W. Bush traded Sammy Sosa. In Houston, both artificial turf (cause of countless unnecessary athletic injuries) and domed stadiums were invented. No Texas team has ever won the World Series. High School football is more popular than baseball in Texas, for crissakes. And, finally, God gave Texas George W. Bush, first as Governor, then as President of the rest of us.
Hmmmm. Maybe God hates America?

And I’m not even tempted to say it isn’t over. It’s over.