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Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Pat Robertson Blames Ellen Degeneres for Katrina…

Posted by on September 13 at 10:51 AM

An alert reader sent me this story from Dateline Hollywood:

Robertson Blames Hurricane On Choice Of Ellen DeGeneres To Host Emmys

Lesbian is New Orleans native

HollywoodPat Robertson on Sunday said that Hurricane Katrina was God’s way of expressing HIS anger at the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences for its selection of Ellen Degeneres to host this year‚s Emmy Awards. “By choosing an avowed lesbian for this national event, these Hollywood elites
have clearly invited God‚s wrath,” Robertson said on “The 700 Club” on Sunday. “Is it any surprise that the Almighty chose to strike at Miss Degeneres’ hometown?” (Yeah, but he missed Ellen, didn’t he?)

Robertson also noted that the last time Degeneres hosted the Emmys, in 2001, the September 11 terrorism attacks took place shortly before the ceremony.

“This is the second time in a row that God has invoked a disaster shortly before lesbian Ellen Degeneres hosted the Emmy Awards,” Robertson explained to his approximately one million viewers. “America is waiting for her to apologize for the death and destruction that her sexual deviance has brought onto this great nation.”

Robertson added that other tragedies of the past several years can be linked to Degeneres‚ growing national prominence. September, 2003, for example, is both the month that her talk show debuted and when insurgents first gained a foothold in Iraq following the successful March invasion. “Now we know why things took a turn for the worse,” he explained.

In order to avoid further tragedy, Robertson called not only for the Television Academy to find a new heterosexual host, but to bar all homosexuals and bisexuals from taking part in the ceremony.

He said employees at the Christian Broadcasting Network had put together a list of 283 nominees, presenters, and invited guests at the Emmys known to be of sexually deviant persuasions.

Sounds completely plausibleafter all, Robertson has warned people that God would sic hurricanes on cities that hosted gay pride events, and other right-wing Christians are running around blaming the gays for Katrina.

Now personally I think what God hates is gamblingall those barge casinos in Biloxi, Mississippi, took a direct hit, while God, in His wisdom, spared New Orlean’s French Quarter, site of the city’s gay bars, gay parades, Southern Decadence, flashed titties, and drunk middle-aged tourists of all sexual orientations. No one is going to be gambling in Mississippi for years, but Bourbon Street will be back in business by spring. The message from on high? God loves sluts, but hates slots.

Back to Robertson vs. Ellen…

Any sensible reader who makes it to the end of the piece before they forward it on to their friends will realize that it has to be a paradoy:

“God already allows one awards show to promote the homosexual agenda,” Robertson declared. “But clearly He will not tolerate such sinful behavior to spread beyond the Tonys.”

Robertson making jokes about the Tonys? That’ll happen the day after Rosie O’Donnell sits on his face. A quick visit to Dateline Hollywood’s homepage reveals it to be a parody site.