Please, who ever you are, I will never buy a replica of a Rolex (online or in a real store). I don’t wear watches, so stop emailing me your offers. Stop! You are, however, welcome to offer me something else, like equipment to konk my hair. I’ve been thinking about getting a do like James Brown—long, slick, and wavy—so send me offers for konking. There you have it: no to watches; yes to hair products.