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Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Supreme Court Judicial Appointments Are Nice

Posted by on July 19 at 12:24 PM

But so are celebrity sex tapes, and while watching Paris Hilton give blowjobs in nightvision is fine, watching Colin Farrell do the dirty is something I might actually enjoy. (Especially since the tape reportedly features the shaved-head Colin of Daredevil, rather than the icky blond mullet Colin of Alexander.)

News of the “Colin Farrell sex tape!” made headlines last week, but the stories were all pretty specious: Some lady claimed to have a tape and wanted a whole bunch of money for it. But today all speciousness was obliterated by reports of the lawsuit filed by Farrell to stop the tape’s release.

Most interesting claim of the lawsuit: That release of the videotape would “irreparably harm Farrell’s reputation and career.” Anyone who’s ever read an Us knows that Colin Farrell reportedly enjoys sluttery with gusto, and it’s hard to imagine how footage of him getting busy with some lady he was dating would really “harm” him.

Unless, of course, there’s something on that tape that really WOULD irreparably damage his image. Perhaps a controversial sex quirk, or some odd melange of boy and girl parts in his underpants? Who knows…but if America really is the greatest country in the history of the world, we should be able to find out with our own eyes on the internet by the end of next week.