Stop Dribbling Your Cum
Out of the many pieces of junk email that filled my box this weekend, this one, sent by a man named Ulysses A. Oneil (who apparently lives in New Zealand), caught my attention. The email says: “Heya! Has your cum ever dribbled and you wish it had shot out? Have you ever wanted to impress your girl with a huge cumshot?…Imagine the difference (look and feel) between dribbling your cum compared to shooting out burst after burst.”
Who exactly is this zealous New Zealander addressing? I mean, who, apart from that rare class of men whose hearts are set on becoming porn stars, worries about their cum “dribbling” instead of “shooting”? This is not a real anxiety but one that is purely manufactured. When the markets for real anxieties (erectile dysfunction, for example) become saturated, then the industry must invent new anxieties for products that will ultimately do nothing for ya man. And so it is in late, late capitalism: A produced anxiety is resolved by a produced solution (or better yet, the solution is produced before the anxiety is invented), and all for the purpose of producing a new circuit for the flow of money. Everything liquid melts into air.