I don’t think I’m mentally back from vacation yet. (I spent a week in MN for my sister’s wedding. While there, I rode the new light rail line, marveled at all of the cool development happening along the line and throughout the city, and drank way too much with all of my old friends. Finding cheap beer in the Twin Cities is way too easy.) Anyway, now that I’m back, everything I think to Slog about strikes me as dumb the second I start typing it. MN’s 95-degree, humid summer days appear to have melted my brain.

But what the hell? Here’s a collection of some of the dumb things I’ve second-guessed for the past few days. Behind the cut, to spare you.

First, a plea:

I'm desperate to borrow a copy of a recent Lake Washington High School yearbook (04-05, or 03-04 might do). The local libraries don't carry it. Email me if you have one! I'll return it promptly, and promise not to read any embarassing inscriptions.

Then, from the Department of Annoying Press Releases:

"Build-A-Bear Workshop On Tour, a mobile bear-making store, expands upon the company's interactive and entertainment mall-based stores by traveling to Bite of SeattleTM. Guests will have the opportunity to make a stuffed animal by choosing between several furry friends and personalizing it with special merchandise, including bear-sized cooking apron's, chef outfits and barbeque kits."

That's fine. Teddy bears aren't really our thing at The Stranger, but whatever. I was about to just delete it, until I saw this bossy last paragraph:

"We would like to thank you for your interest in covering our business. As you write your story we would like to ask that you use our full Name: Build-A-Bear Workshop® and that when referencing the process of making stuffed animals you use the word "make” not "build”.

Build-A-Bear Workshop® is our well-known trade name and our registered trademark of Build-A-Bear Workshop, Inc. Build-A-Bear Workshop® should only be used in capital letters to refer to our products and services and should not be used as a verb."

Oh, shut up. Verb police are annoying, especially in promo press releases.

From a MN friend, a funny website: http://theendofhumor.blogspot.com/

Also courtesy a MN friend: We watched a collection of fucked up animated shorts, alledgedly "Rejected" from a family channel, while drunk late one night. It's not new, but it's still hilarious. It doesn't seem to be downloadable anywhere, but it's definitely worth your $13.

Finally, best e-mail received while I was away:

Many many months ago, I was a "guest expert" or something on an A&E true crime show about Mia Zapata's murder. Apparently they re-ran it last week. The rerun prompted a friend from junior high to email me (hooray!), and "Kenny" from Louisville, Kentucky to start stalking me (eww). I thought about responding, but decided ridicule on Slog would be more fun.

Amy,

I live in Louisville, KY and watch the show City Confidential on my lunch hour. I happened to see you on today, and wanted to write you to say how cute I thought you were. I thought you had the best laugh and seemed very sweet.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that...

I know, I know, this has little to do with ”The Stranger”, but at least the publication had another reader just by your appearance on the show.

Uhhhh... thanks?

Then Kenny really tries to win me over by commenting on a story I wrote recently, about the need for a clear separation of church and state. (Eastside school officials handed out a "ten commandments" creed to preschoolers at graduation. Big no-no, at least in my book. Apparently not in Kenny's.)

I'm a believer in faith and certainly an advocate for anyone who's looking to practice their own faith. I have the utmost respect for all religions on this earth and cringe when I see one religion or person try to force their beliefs on someone of a different faith. Having said that, although the article was merely skimmed (I am working...lol), I (much like the administrator) commend the "undertones" and general message to the kids. What's more, we do live in a country that is 84% Christian, so I'm wondering what's so wrong with such a subtle message that doesn't appear to come out and say believe in Christ?

Granted, we're to have separation of church and state, but the lines have been blurred since the forefathers, as you cannot run a faith-filled society, without compassion for faith, can you?

Awww, Kenny. I don't think it's going to work out for you and me. See, I'm an aetheist who doesn't think public schools should hand out even subtle religious messages (and the message on the Eastside wasn't all that subtle: It outright told parents to take their kids, their "gift from God," to church.) And according to 2001 census stats, the US is only 79.8 percent Christian. What about the 20.2 percent who aren't? I think I speak for most of them in saying we'd like our public schools to respect all religions (or lack of religion) by endorsing none.

Kenny tries again:

Oh, and I only decided to write when I noticed you didn't have a wedding band on.

How sweet of you to notice. That's because I can't marry my girlfriend until the state supreme court issues a long-awaited decision, hopefully knocking down Washington's DOMA. If it weren't for that little snag, thoughand our wildly divergent beliefsI'd totally hop on a flight to Kentucky so we could hook up. Thanks for writing!

Okay, I'm done. I told you everything I could possibly Slog is dumb.