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Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Scottish Oatmeal?

Posted by on April 27 at 11:25 AM

That’s all.
Except to say that this morning, our president signed the Family Entertainment and Copyright Act, legislation designed to protect companies that seek to censor Hollywood movies to make them less objectionable for “families,” which is to say Christians and Mormons who want to participate in the consumption of all the Godless filth these Jewish companies create, just without so many bad words and nipples. Traditionally, the companies that engage in this censorship take mainstream films, edit out the dirty parts according to what they believe conservative viewers would feel uncomfortable seeing, then rent the butchered versions. The objectionable footage can consist of anything from…

an intestine-strewn corpse on the beach in Saving Private Ryan to Tina Fey in a bra from 30 seconds in Mean Girls. Some of the more radical censorship companies also edit out references to homosexuality, non-Christian faith, and, one can only assume, unpatriotic attitudes. This style of censorship is bad enough when you consider that the companies are already gaining steam in the famously intolerant and culture-free exurbs of our great nation. But now they're protected and encouraged by this pandering legislation to develop technology (such as "Clear Play") that would allow families to do their own censoring, programming their DVD players to skip offensive lines, scenes, and ideas. If it gains momentum, the next stop will involve studios being required to classify the DVDs themselves with some kind of code that the censoring software will recognize. And after the taxonomy of what constitutes dirty, sick, and offensive is established, the obvious move will be to pressure filmmakers (via studios) to stop including such material to begin with. I know this is paranoia, but I also know that it's coming. It may only be one little crackpot corner of the population that demands censored versions of films, but just you wait: this is a quantum leap from the V-Chip. This is active culture war, especially if you care about movies.